Blaise flopped onto the cream leather sofa in my consulting space. “It’s nearly the end of the year and I’m so over reaching another year-end repeating old patterns. I set off so positively and somewhere along the line I fell back into my old ways. It’s my weight, my finances, and even my relationship. Although I’m so much clearer about my business, I’m still sabotaging my efforts.”
Blaise saw herself as hitting up against the old boundary conditions that held her weight at 56 kilos rather than 52; her finances remained beneath the $100 000 mark and she was in yet another relationship with a man who couldn’t fully commit to her.
Just before my 10 am client, Carrie, called in for her session, I answered my cellphone because I recognised Lisa’s number. Lisa is one of my Diamond Member Clients. She wasn’t due to call until the next day. I’m glad I picked up. ” I’ve been awake since 1.30 am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I’m scared. (Lisa sobbed) I published my book. Branded my business. I’ve had such a great year, I’m so grateful to you. And I’m so terrified. I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m not sticking to my accountabilities. I haven’t written that proposal, or completed my recording, or written the copy for that last web-page…” Lisa’s voice trailed off into tears.
When Carrie arrived, uncharacteristically late, the cheery spring in her step was missing and her shoulders were stooped in a way I hadn’t seen for over six months. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she hissed, “I can’t seem to drum up the enthusiasm I had for it all. Look here, I collected my banner this morning, my website looks wow and people are signing up for my offer and yet I feel as though I should be further along. I want to lift my game and I’m just out of steam. This is no time to slow down. It’s crazy, like there’s another me just pulling me back on down.”
Can you relate to Blaise, Lisa or Carrie? Other people seem to be celebrating their great successes and getting on with their lives and yet you notice that there are some old familiar patterns resurfacing that you’d love to leave behind you. If you can, it might be time to review, reframe and re-energize!
Know this: When you are about to step up and make a quantum jump in your learning, business or life you could bump into what I call your Anxiety Alarm. The anxiety alarm is an ego driven buffer that sets off to keep you safe, small and within the known zone. It’s one of the faces of what I call in my book “Hot Confidence”, your mini-me. Whilst your Anxiety Alarm wants to convince you it’s there to protect you and maintain a space of calm, composure, contentment, reassurance and confidence – the opposite is true.
When you think of yourself in a way that doesn’t serve who you’d like to be and what you’d like to achieve in your life, the consequence is self-sabotage. Self-sabotage sets tempo of your Anxiety Alarm.
Here’s how to move through the panic space with grace and enjoy the rewards of renewed vitality, focus, love, happiness and success!
1. Acknowledge the part of you that is driving the self – sabotage. Remember it is an aspect of you only and rather than the whole of you.
2. Remind yourself that the self-saboteur (your mini-me) was born out of your life experience and at one time served you.
3. Identify the wounding. This is possibly the most important and the most challenging step to take. In order to free yourself, get really curious about the original experience where your self-diminishing, self-destructive behaviour was born. It’s only by returning to the very first time, the wounding, to change the meaning you gave it – that you’ll free yourself.
4. It’s time to create new meaning around the experience, reframe it, tease out your learnings from that event.
5. Name alternative courses of behaviour, thoughts and things you can say to yourself that will serve, support and nurture the very best version of yourself.
Blaise, Lisa and Carrie recognised what they were choosing to recreate. For each of them, their panic and self- sabotaging behaviours surfaced as they were about to step-up and be visible in their careers. Respectfully and with appreciation, the defining moments that set their limiting patterns in motion were identified, explored, respected and transformed.
“It’s profoundly liberating to recover new understandings” mused Carrie as she flicked her auburn curls from her face – “Who’d have guessed I’d been holding onto that pain since I was two! ” She smiled: “Moving right along …”
I know it will be an outstanding year for her, for Lisa and Blaise, too. I wish the same for you!
To Your magnificence, happiness and health!